Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Late Night Ads: Part Deux

What's that Blog? You want more from last night's ridiculous Craig'sList ad I posted out of curiosity regarding what the Minneapolis dating pool holds? Well, you're in luck. I've managed to create a few more categories for the responses I've received. Note to self: If you mention vomit, they will obsess about vomit...

Case in point:

"You seem to be easily nauseated.... Are you sure it isn't some sort of stomach flu? Maybe someone slipped some syrup of ipecac into your nightly broth? You could just be having an epileptic reaction to the bright colors on your computer monitor?"

"nothing attracts a man like multiple references to vomit lol" (You'd be surprised at the current state of my inbox, sir.)

"I saw your posting on craigslist and was interested I laughed when you brought in the whole vomiting concept, I am a 20 year old SWM DDF college student at the UofM" (1. I don't know what DDF means, 2. I am both proud and embarrassed that my humor entices 20 year-old males)

"Still vomiting? I have alittle bit of vomit in the back of my throat. Burns just enough to remind me that this is a little uncomfortable ….perhaps meeting someone on line. so whatdo you think? Chat or vomit or both simultaneously?" 

And the vomit grand prize goes to... this guy.

"I dont like to vomit, but iv come to realize that not branching out and staying confined to the same structure of people is just plane stale. We could meet at least until one of us vomits. i dont vomit much but if your cerousity in meeting anyone . i live in uptown and am willing to meet just about any serial killer as long as they shake up my stagnet patter! im not some sleezy grease ball , just interested in meeting one. hit me up if your down or ignore this message if you have already vomited or choose to spare me and decide not to cut me up and put me in your trunk ! IM FUCKIN BORED AS SHIT!!!!!!!!!"

There's more. Oh, there's so much more. Like...

Dudes who have houses... but not STDs:

"I live in Minneapolis and have my own house . I am very safe, fun and respectful"

"As for the basic info, I'm 38years old, 5'11 175# shaved head (i.e. bald), blue eyes, glasses.  I'm smart, well educated (a lawyer), with a job, a car, a house, no STDs, nokids, etc."

Just checking in on my progress:

"Since you posted last night I would bet you have been vomiting constantly since reading the emails you received???" (also hung up on vomit)

"haha your ad was funny. I also live in uptown, I enjoy looking at these craigslist ads but never really respond to them cause I dont really online date either but they are fun to read but you seem interesting. Did you get some good responses yet?"


"I'm just like you probably sick of the bar scene sick of going through the same routine of trying to meet people only find out how lucky you are to be single lol"

"I am single and interested, but  i am older than  you . i am 42.  lol.   I am fun and outgoing
person.. i  am kind and caring person... bla bla bla .... lol"

Then there's advice... 

"You don't sound so happy. Control your thoughts, control your attitude!!!Life is good!!!"

Compliments (which I suspect are only made in an attempt to get into my cyber pants)...

"I saw your post and found itvery interesting. It is one of the better written posts I've seen in a while. So I thought I'd send you an email to say Hi."

Your post was fantastic, very funny and brutally honest. And someone I would definitely like to get to know more. I believe I share your sense of humor and outlook on life. I am another individual that is looking, I've been set up with friends of friends and tried the random girl at starbucks and yet here I am.

"You made me laugh. Even if it was the slightest of chuckles." (Why thank you for the coveted distinction of my possessing the ability to cause a slight chuckle from within sir)

Incredible straight forward-ness...

"I think other bored peopleare most likely to respond"

And out of all of them. Out of all the spam, creepy old men, and ridiculous misspellings, the one guy I'd consider responding to whilst choking back the vomit I made ever so clear would take place if I were to go through with this, is a polite and honest teacher who happens to be real:


I read your post on CL. I would love to talk with you more. My name is
David. I am 31 years old. I am 6'1, brown hair, brown eyes, cute smile and
a nice athletic muscular body. I work as a high school teacher and love my
job. I also enjoy reading books, watching movies, hanging out with
friends, downhill skiing and working out.

I love the city and work and live in Minneapolis. I would like to talk
with you more and see where it goes. I am real since we are supposed to
get a big snowfall tonight night.

my picture is attached.



The question remains; will I respond? I don't know. Nausea still makes its way up my esophagus when I think of what I could possibly include in a response to the polite school teacher who loves his job. But I'm learning that the one thing that drives the success of online dating is curiosity. You just won't know unless you put the time it takes to write a blog entry about all the d-bags who responded to your classified post into an actual response to the one who actually catches your eye.

Of course I'm still hung up on that guy I was dating, Blog. But I have to admit that this Craig's List experiment has taken me out of the sorrowful cycleI have been stuck in and did just what I hoped it would do; it reminded me that there are men out there and has distracted me from dwelling on the weirdness that came with dating that guy. It is completely up to me if I want to pursue them or not. I'm still not sure if it's something I want to do, but it's good to know that it's an option. I guess I knew it was an option the whole time, and that's probably why I crafted a terrible ad about dating-induced vomit.

Jesus, Samantha. No wonder you're single.

1 comment:

  1. If you do this, I want to hear all about it when you come visit.