Tiny Noses Are Beautiful

Tiny noses. It's all the rage! I love The Biggest Loser just as much as the next guy. I do my best to watch it every Tuesday (when I don't have improv) and I can't get enough of the weight loss that is the main factor of the show's ratings.

But I noticed something tonight. Tiny noses, bitches. All the people on this show have tiny noses! There is not one big schnoz present! This feeds my theory (one that I have not expressed yet in you blog, that is until now) that The Biggest Loser has the ability to find fat people who have an exorbetant amount of potential to look highly attractive when and if they ever end up skinny. You can see it in their faces from day one. I find myself saying "She'd be pretty if she lost weight" all the time with this show. I firmly believe this has to do with the small nose. Of course all fat people are going to look like they have a small nose, but on the other end of things, you know a big nose when you see one. Even though the weight of the current contestants of The Biggest Loser might actually be working in their favor when it comes to their nose, there is no doubt about it that everyone on the show has an small sized snout.

Check it bitches and hos (and yes, I'm slightly under the influence, otherwise you'd be ladies and gentlemen).

Small nose on fat person + working out with Jillian = hotties. God forbid TV ever has anyone average, or even ugly looking on it. Remember that show I was planning on auditioning for? You know, the Shakespeare one at the Anoka Community Theater? Yeah. I auditioned. And after a call back, and a discussion of "lead time" with the director, I didn't get in. At all. I'm confident in my performance skills. I have a minor in theater. I am educated in the methods of performing--not just reading--Shakespeare. I do improv every week. What could I possibly be lacking? I'll tell you. Cuteness. I'm not tiny. I'm not blonde. Luckily I have a small nose. It's the only feature I've got going for me performance wise. Seriously. This small nose thing is across the board. Why else is Santiago the Pug so freaking adorable all the time?

Tiny nose. It'll get you places. Now I just have to make the rest of me tiny...

What is the point of this entry? I'm not sure. But I watched The Biggest Loser. I observed. And this is my conclusion. The one constant of hotness is tiny noses. I'm also intoxicated thanks to my birthday being on Friday and my dear friend Sam (not me) insisting on buying me margaritas. Don't be jealous (although I hope you are).

I live in Maple Grove. Yikes.