It'll be the best two minutes and 13 seconds of your life. And I'm proud to say I'm related to everyone in this masterpiece.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Thoughts on the Fringe Festival
Quick. Thoughts that I need to write... quickly.
It's really frustrating that I think of all my best thoughts in the shower. This sucks because the shower is the most inopportune place to think of things that you want to write down. Water doesn't lend itself to be helpful in writing situations. Paper gets soggy and a computer would probably cause death. So I did my best to remember until I got a computer on my hands. Here's what I came up with while I was waiting for the conditioner to condition my hair:
1. Fringe. I want to do it. I'm going to go into this blindly. I'm going to take a risk and do it myself. I have many friends who would love to support me and work with me on a Fringe show. I am more than happy to accept help, support, collaboration, what have you. But just in case I end up having to wing this on my own...
2. Stories. It's my only fall back. I suck at writing dialogue for the screen. I hate reading plays, which doesn't help with my abilities to write for the stage. I'm an inexperienced, naive writer, so the only thing I can really portray through the power of language is shit that's happened to me. A lot of people do this, especially for the Fringe. If I happen to fall into the norm, fine. At least I'm trying to get some of my stuff out there. That being said...
3. Football and my one legged cousin. Those are two solid stories about myself that I feel confident I can write and make a decent point with at the end. I started stuff on both of these topics. I just need to finish that stuff and then become confident enough to revise it into a majestic work that might possibly make it to the stage if I happen to be unable to recruit friends to write a decent show with me. These two subjects have nothing to do with one another, but I might have to come up with a third item as equally unrelated so at least I have the power of three behind me.
Ok. I think that's it. I just wanted to get this down somewhere. And since no one reads this, I'll put it out here. And just in case someone does, they can tell me what they think and even if they want to be one of my friends to work on my Fringe project with me. Options people. It's all about options. The end.
I hate ending shit with "the end" since that seems to be a habit with some of my lame facebook friends, but I'm going to do it because it's an option. Even if it's one I'm not fond of, it's still an option. The end.
And yes, I'm drunk.
It's really frustrating that I think of all my best thoughts in the shower. This sucks because the shower is the most inopportune place to think of things that you want to write down. Water doesn't lend itself to be helpful in writing situations. Paper gets soggy and a computer would probably cause death. So I did my best to remember until I got a computer on my hands. Here's what I came up with while I was waiting for the conditioner to condition my hair:
1. Fringe. I want to do it. I'm going to go into this blindly. I'm going to take a risk and do it myself. I have many friends who would love to support me and work with me on a Fringe show. I am more than happy to accept help, support, collaboration, what have you. But just in case I end up having to wing this on my own...
2. Stories. It's my only fall back. I suck at writing dialogue for the screen. I hate reading plays, which doesn't help with my abilities to write for the stage. I'm an inexperienced, naive writer, so the only thing I can really portray through the power of language is shit that's happened to me. A lot of people do this, especially for the Fringe. If I happen to fall into the norm, fine. At least I'm trying to get some of my stuff out there. That being said...
3. Football and my one legged cousin. Those are two solid stories about myself that I feel confident I can write and make a decent point with at the end. I started stuff on both of these topics. I just need to finish that stuff and then become confident enough to revise it into a majestic work that might possibly make it to the stage if I happen to be unable to recruit friends to write a decent show with me. These two subjects have nothing to do with one another, but I might have to come up with a third item as equally unrelated so at least I have the power of three behind me.
Ok. I think that's it. I just wanted to get this down somewhere. And since no one reads this, I'll put it out here. And just in case someone does, they can tell me what they think and even if they want to be one of my friends to work on my Fringe project with me. Options people. It's all about options. The end.
I hate ending shit with "the end" since that seems to be a habit with some of my lame facebook friends, but I'm going to do it because it's an option. Even if it's one I'm not fond of, it's still an option. The end.
And yes, I'm drunk.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Drunk and Alone. Not as Bad as it Sounds.
You know what doesn't happen enough? Drunk posts! That's right. I'm drunk, and posting. I don't think I've had a decent chance to do this since 2007. Well, live it up Samantha! It's drunk post time!
Why am I drunk and on a computer you may ask? Well, it's a long story when you really think about it. I'll just say I happened to end up alone tonight with nothing but some wireless internet, a pug, and an endless supply of cosmopolitan martinis at my disposal. So far I've watched two episodes of Intervention and commented an obscene amount on my friend Carly's photos on facebook. Oh, I also uploaded this photo of myself to hotornot.com.
Why am I drunk and on a computer you may ask? Well, it's a long story when you really think about it. I'll just say I happened to end up alone tonight with nothing but some wireless internet, a pug, and an endless supply of cosmopolitan martinis at my disposal. So far I've watched two episodes of Intervention and commented an obscene amount on my friend Carly's photos on facebook. Oh, I also uploaded this photo of myself to hotornot.com.
Yes. This is me at Stonehenge looking like a crazy. I can't possibly take hotornot.com seriously since you are judged purely on looks alone. Right now I'm sitting at a solid 8 with this gem of a drunken memory:
I can't help but be surprised at this. I never really wanted to sign up for Hot or Not. I just wanted to judge others as shallowly as I possibly could. This is what happens when you're in a drunken stupor with a laptop on hand. It didn't help that my boyfriend urged me to post a picture, hopefully not for internet verification that he is indeed dating someone who is of the status "hot". This sort of thing would never have become a reality through my own, sober doing. But if you find me in the right place at the right time... well, I guess anything can happen. This includes putting myself on the internet to be judged numerically by strangers who are apparently desperate to date me (new years hat included). I guess I didn't realize that Hot or Not is not only a mindless and indulgent way to pass the time, it is also a site where matches of heaven are made. Since signing up (again at my boyfriend's bidding), I've received a whopping 72--oh no, make that 74--men who have said "yes" to me. Now all I have to do is say "yes" back. But I won't because I have a boyfriend, sillies. Not only do I have a boyfriend, but I also am using his computer to post this post as I lay on his bed, drinking his alcohol and petting his dog... in his house. So yeah. You could say we're pretty attached. The only thing missing is him. But that's not his fault. I was supposed to be out of town visiting my grandma this weekend, but since the weather turned to crap, I instead stayed home. This did not sway Ryan from breaking his plans with the guys to get drunk and spend the night at a friend's house. And in case you're wondering, yes, it is a slumber party despite what he says. A drunken slumber party full of men, alcohol, and movie called The Gamer. Lame.
Enough of my explanations. Let's see some of the messages my Hot or Not friends have sent my way...
From "Matt": sorry to write all random, saw you on here, you're super cute! :] just wanted to see whats up with you.. hope you are having a sweet day, sorry again for the randomness, but had to say somethin.. cheers- matt :]
Don't even worry about it, Matt. You're not random at all considering you're contacting me via Hot or Not. My day has been pretty sweet if you find folding laundry and then getting drunk with a pug "sweet". Fortunately I do. If you want to date me, plan on things like this happening a lot. Also, I have a boyfriend who just wanted to see how hot I really am.
From "Ryan": What is your pretty hot self doing tonight, Sam? I like your hair! :)
Well, "Ryan", I'm drunk and on the internet. I suspect you're doing something of the same sort this Saturday eve? Perhaps not. Maybe I could date you because you have the same name as my current boyfriend, so things wouldn't totally be weird. That is until I realize I'm dating someone I met on Hot or Not and not my boyfriend who I happen to be madly in love with despite his short stature and scarred eyebrow. Thanks for liking my hair. You can have it. Also, I have a boyfriend who just wanted to see how hot I really am.
From "Jon": Wow you look amazing. You are very beautiful. I would love to talk and get to know you better. Please write back. Jon
Would you Jon? Really? Just because I happen to enjoy a good ring in of the new year doesn't give you grounds to "get to know me better". Although, it's nice that you think I'm beautiful. Still I'm a little creeped out that you're 40. I'm just not there yet. Also, I have a boyfriend who just wanted to see how hot I really am.
Yup. You can't make this stuff up. I'm going to see what this Stonehenge picture gets me. Hopefully some druids will write in with comments on my magic playing skills or some shit. I need another cosmo.
Friday, January 22, 2010
I'd Make a Terrible Mother
I was looking back in my livejournal. Back on the days when I would write, oh say, more than once a week. Man. Those were the days, blog. The days when I didn't have anything but myself, my radio, and my room. I had nothing, yet I had everything to write about. Now I have everything. Cable TV, the internet, multiple rooms, and a radio yet I have nothing in my brain anymore. The transition I've been through over the last few years have made me a believer that TV and the Internet corrupt brains. Well, maybe not everyone's brains, but for sure my brain. I don't do anything anymore! I just sit. Last night I sat and watched fat people work out. Back when I didn't have a TV, I would work myself out. I believe at one point in time I found myself asking why watch other people do stuff on TV when you could be doing it yourself? At the time, I didn't have an answer and I became all smug and proud of myself. But now. Now I have an answer to that question. TV is addicting! I'm addicted! So many things to see! Intervention, The Office, the Nightly News, Family Guy, Hoarders... It makes me sad.
What makes me sadder is the fact that I feel no creativity when I write anymore. Perhaps I'm mistaken in contributing this lack of creativity to the TV, but there's just nowhere else to turn. Because of this, I've made the decision to deprive my unborn children of any technological entertainment whatsoever so they have the chance to learn how to think for themselves. Only wooden toys will be present. Toys like blocks, and sticks, and rocks. Maybe pieces of wood, and a chalkboard. None of this nintendo crap. No staring for hours at the TV. Only when they are older. If they want a video game, then they are going to have to earn their own money and buy it. If they want a car, they are going to have to get a job. If they want food, don't ask me to make you any. You go to the grocery store yourself. Hell, I'm just going to put them out in the real world right away and let them fend for themselves from the get go.
And this is why I don't want to have kids right now. Don't freak out, blog moms. I'm not about to bring a baby into this world and make it go grocery shopping immediately after it gets comes home. But until I stop thinking of that as a plausible option for feeding my offspring, I shall remain childless. I only have the tolerance to care for a little pug by the name of Santiago.
What makes me sadder is the fact that I feel no creativity when I write anymore. Perhaps I'm mistaken in contributing this lack of creativity to the TV, but there's just nowhere else to turn. Because of this, I've made the decision to deprive my unborn children of any technological entertainment whatsoever so they have the chance to learn how to think for themselves. Only wooden toys will be present. Toys like blocks, and sticks, and rocks. Maybe pieces of wood, and a chalkboard. None of this nintendo crap. No staring for hours at the TV. Only when they are older. If they want a video game, then they are going to have to earn their own money and buy it. If they want a car, they are going to have to get a job. If they want food, don't ask me to make you any. You go to the grocery store yourself. Hell, I'm just going to put them out in the real world right away and let them fend for themselves from the get go.
And this is why I don't want to have kids right now. Don't freak out, blog moms. I'm not about to bring a baby into this world and make it go grocery shopping immediately after it gets comes home. But until I stop thinking of that as a plausible option for feeding my offspring, I shall remain childless. I only have the tolerance to care for a little pug by the name of Santiago.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Facebook and Pee
I've sunk to a new low and have created a facebook page for Santiago, my dogboyson. I think I'm going through a phase with this dog. He is so freaking cute to me right now, I feel I must share it with the world. If you'd like to friend Santiago, you go right ahead. There is no shame in friending a dog on facebook. There is also no shame in maintaining a dog's facebook page on is behalf. Because really, everything in Santiago's information section of his profile is absolutely true.
On a completely seperate note, don't you just hate it when you've settled in at your desk, and then you realize you have to pee like a mo fo? That is what is happening at this very moment. What's even worse is that the bathroom is right next to my desk. It's like a 2 second walk over there and alas, I feel no desire outside of my aching bladder to leave this very spot. And this is why we are all obese. And that is why I'm going to the gym today.
On a completely seperate note, don't you just hate it when you've settled in at your desk, and then you realize you have to pee like a mo fo? That is what is happening at this very moment. What's even worse is that the bathroom is right next to my desk. It's like a 2 second walk over there and alas, I feel no desire outside of my aching bladder to leave this very spot. And this is why we are all obese. And that is why I'm going to the gym today.
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