Wednesday, September 4, 2013

I'm Feeling Landlocked, but I Think I'll Be Ok

Wow Blog. Yesterday was hard. I think it had to do with a combination of my island adventure ending and The Artist's Way. Julia said it was going to get hard by week 4, and I thought "yeah, hard like 'oh I don't feel like doing this anymore' hard", but no. It's hard, Blog. Emotionally difficult. I've never gone through therapy before, but I imagine it would be something like what I'm going through right now. And all I'm really doing is morning pages. It's crazy what half an hour of stream-of-consciousness writing every day can do to you after a month. But don't worry about me. It's all for the better.

Being back has been hard, Artist's Way or no, though. I miss my friends on the island and I strangely miss the ocean that I also fear. It's like it's this character in my life that is both strong and dependable, but also crazy and dangerous. Carly and I at one point compared it to one of those friends that you have an amazing time with, but who are so crazy and intense that you tend to keep them at a distance for safety reasons. Like, "Oh ocean! You're so crazy and fun! I have such a good time swimming in you and jumping in you. But sometimes you're unpredictable and a little too spontaneous for my liking and knock me off a rock and I scrape my knee and almost drown." You know, Blog. One of those friends.

But I've never felt landlocked before, and today for a split second I got an idea of what that feeling is like. I for a moment had the realization that land was beyond me for thousands of miles in all directions. The ocean; my crazy but wonderful friend was thousands of miles away from me. Last week I could literally sit up in my bed and see it out the window. Now it's just trees and buildings and roads and people everywhere.

But hey, Target is here and that's something we can all appreciate. I bought a storage bin yesterday for 6 dollars, Blog. 6 dollars.

I walked around Uptown this afternoon to run some errands and by the time I made it to Calhoun Square I was feeling pretty good. This is my city after all. If I'm going to live in this country, then I'm going to live here. Minneapolis has been good to me, and I appreciate that. I have autonomy here. I know my way around and where I can go for sunglasses or groceries or bike repair (because I stupidly over-filled my back tire yesterday and consequently popped it). Courtney McLean herself stopped by this evening and we dished on the roof for a bit about boys and shows and travels. Yes, it does feel good to be home after all.

Greenway you're no ocean, but you're just as fun and dangerous.

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