Why am I drunk and on a computer you may ask? Well, it's a long story when you really think about it. I'll just say I happened to end up alone tonight with nothing but some wireless internet, a pug, and an endless supply of cosmopolitan martinis at my disposal. So far I've watched two episodes of Intervention and commented an obscene amount on my friend Carly's photos on facebook. Oh, I also uploaded this photo of myself to hotornot.com.
Yes. This is me at Stonehenge looking like a crazy. I can't possibly take hotornot.com seriously since you are judged purely on looks alone. Right now I'm sitting at a solid 8 with this gem of a drunken memory:
I can't help but be surprised at this. I never really wanted to sign up for Hot or Not. I just wanted to judge others as shallowly as I possibly could. This is what happens when you're in a drunken stupor with a laptop on hand. It didn't help that my boyfriend urged me to post a picture, hopefully not for internet verification that he is indeed dating someone who is of the status "hot". This sort of thing would never have become a reality through my own, sober doing. But if you find me in the right place at the right time... well, I guess anything can happen. This includes putting myself on the internet to be judged numerically by strangers who are apparently desperate to date me (new years hat included). I guess I didn't realize that Hot or Not is not only a mindless and indulgent way to pass the time, it is also a site where matches of heaven are made. Since signing up (again at my boyfriend's bidding), I've received a whopping 72--oh no, make that 74--men who have said "yes" to me. Now all I have to do is say "yes" back. But I won't because I have a boyfriend, sillies. Not only do I have a boyfriend, but I also am using his computer to post this post as I lay on his bed, drinking his alcohol and petting his dog... in his house. So yeah. You could say we're pretty attached. The only thing missing is him. But that's not his fault. I was supposed to be out of town visiting my grandma this weekend, but since the weather turned to crap, I instead stayed home. This did not sway Ryan from breaking his plans with the guys to get drunk and spend the night at a friend's house. And in case you're wondering, yes, it is a slumber party despite what he says. A drunken slumber party full of men, alcohol, and movie called The Gamer. Lame.
Enough of my explanations. Let's see some of the messages my Hot or Not friends have sent my way...
From "Matt": sorry to write all random, saw you on here, you're super cute! :] just wanted to see whats up with you.. hope you are having a sweet day, sorry again for the randomness, but had to say somethin.. cheers- matt :]
Don't even worry about it, Matt. You're not random at all considering you're contacting me via Hot or Not. My day has been pretty sweet if you find folding laundry and then getting drunk with a pug "sweet". Fortunately I do. If you want to date me, plan on things like this happening a lot. Also, I have a boyfriend who just wanted to see how hot I really am.
From "Ryan": What is your pretty hot self doing tonight, Sam? I like your hair! :)
Well, "Ryan", I'm drunk and on the internet. I suspect you're doing something of the same sort this Saturday eve? Perhaps not. Maybe I could date you because you have the same name as my current boyfriend, so things wouldn't totally be weird. That is until I realize I'm dating someone I met on Hot or Not and not my boyfriend who I happen to be madly in love with despite his short stature and scarred eyebrow. Thanks for liking my hair. You can have it. Also, I have a boyfriend who just wanted to see how hot I really am.
From "Jon": Wow you look amazing. You are very beautiful. I would love to talk and get to know you better. Please write back. Jon
Would you Jon? Really? Just because I happen to enjoy a good ring in of the new year doesn't give you grounds to "get to know me better". Although, it's nice that you think I'm beautiful. Still I'm a little creeped out that you're 40. I'm just not there yet. Also, I have a boyfriend who just wanted to see how hot I really am.
Yup. You can't make this stuff up. I'm going to see what this Stonehenge picture gets me. Hopefully some druids will write in with comments on my magic playing skills or some shit. I need another cosmo.
I love you.
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