Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Getting All Hipster With an Entry About Relevent Music...

I used to run along the edge of Lake Calhoun over the summer time, listening to The Current and watching the sun set. I would watch all of the couples and groups of friends walking and running and sitting and swimming in the hot summer evenings and would feel a dull and familiar jealousy take over. It was a hopeful jealousy and as I could feel it gnawing at me, I would look up to the sky at the airplanes overhead and daydream about the people they were carrying away from the city. I would wonder where they were going; who they were going to see; if they were crying or if they were happy. I'd lose myself in their made-up lives and compare my own anticipation with theirs. And it was a good anticipation. I was one of the happy passengers. I was going to be on one of those planes soon enough to see the person I would be able to walk and run and sit and swim with. I knew I wouldn't be alone for long.

But then something changed even though I didn't want it to. And one day after one of those planes had carried me back to this city, I looked up and my heart sank. A song I had never heard before came on the radio and the lyrics told me a truth I didn't want to believe. My gaze returned to the path in front of me and for the first time in a long time, the dull and familiar jealousy left me with an unfamiliar presence and calm.

This is that song:

The jealousy is back in full force now. It is no longer dull, it is no longer familiar. Instead it follows me; jabbing at moments that occur just when I think it's left me alone. I don't know what else to do but turn this song on its head and make myself believe that one day it won't be there anymore and that I'll be one of the hopeful and happy ones again. I am tired of this and I want it to be over.


  1. Sam,

    Good song. It's funny how when you're going through something, every song on the radio--especially The Current--seems to speak to you. Perhaps it's because we as human beings are all more alike than we care to admit.

    Heartbreak is a nasty thing--I've had more than my fair share--but it does get better. At least we have writing, eh? It's cathartic, if nothing else. I've noticed that things always seem worse late at night after a few drinks and too many sad songs. Looking at old pictures doesn't help, either.

    You'll be fine. So will I.


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    1. It always feels like it isn't going to get better. Life is a crazy racket. The moments of derailment seem like they are going to last forever. But they don't. Life works in cycles. Happy times happen again. And damn don't they feel good. I love you. -Ariel