First things first, Blog...
OMG DOWNTON ABBEY I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I HAVE BEEN LIVING UNDER THIS ANTI-POP CULTURE ROCK FOR ALL THESE YEARS!!
I am learning, Blog. I am learning about the Edwardian Era of the 20th century. I'm learning about the elegance and ridiculousness of aristocrats who live in a castle. I'm learning about the relationships people have with one another. I'm feeling feelings again! Major nerd feelings geared towards fantastical characters on a screen, but feelings nonetheless! Feelings I can apply to my life and be inspired by! Feelings that tell me I'm not alone! That it could be worse! That I too could prefer a chaise lounge to that of an upright chair when it comes to relaxing in a corset.
Masterpiece Theater is changing my life. I should have known this was going to be a thing for me. It's not my fault that I'm the spawn of people who religiously taped I Claudius when it aired on PBS during my childhood. God it was so boring when I was seven! But now. NOW! Bring it on Masterpiece Theater! I realize my parents have impeccible taste when it comes to late night public programming. Don't get me started on Ken Burns' Civil War...
I think there's an element of excitement for me today Blog because I spent my entire afternoon doing what I absolutely love in this life: making theater. I'm reminded this Fringe season that it's not all about being on stage for me. I am in love with the entire process of putting on a show. I need to do this more. I need to learn how to run a light board. I need to call cues more often. I need to assess a stage picture and figure out if it works. And if it doesn't? How do I make it better?
I've said it time and time again that I feel cursed with the fact that I was destined to have a heart that lives in the world of the performing arts. I think I've stifiled it for the most part since it is a ridiculous profession when you really think about it. Let's get some people up on a platform, soak them in lights, and listen to what they have to say. But it's the core of every piece of entertainment you see out there. The music you listen to is made by people who stand in a light in front of other people watching them. The movies you pay $12 to see are put on by people standing in front of cameras and technicians lighting them with all sorts of contraptions. The TV shows you watch, LIKE DOWNTON ABBEY, are created the same way. The stage is where it all started and it's where my heart lies and I totally am aware that every July I get all gushy over the performing arts and aspire to become something great and get this sort of a thing in my life right away. But let's face it. I never take action.
Except for today before the tech rehearsal I so thoroughly enjoyed, I auditioned for a company that tours children's shows around the country. If I get it? I leave my current job and take a leap of faith for the thing I've loved to do ever since I can remember. Ever since I was an annoyed seven year old who didn't want to watch I Claudius, but instead wanted her mom to play showtunes from the Reader's Digest Unforgettable Music Memories collection so she could put on an old dress and play "Broadway" in the mirror. Clap Hands, Here Comes Charlie! wasn't just a catchy tune. It was a dream. An perfectly attainable dream!
I'm appropriately dramatic about this. I told the cast I pseudo directed today that their movements and decisions, no matter what they are, must be deliberate on stage. The audience trusts deliberate action. So does fate. I have to take my own direction and deliberately go through with this, no matter how stupid or foolish I feel. Some of the best advice I got from one of my acting teachers in college was a simple word: commit. Commit to your actions and you will find your way.
So I auditioned for this big thing. If I get it, I'm doing it. If I don't? I'm still moving in with Andy Browers. I've been asked to potentially manage this band. I am looking here for opportunities both acting and tech-wise. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, but I have to trust that my interest has given me enough knowledge to start. I technically earned a minor in Theater alongside my major in English. I might as well put it to use since my main course of study is just what I speak and write every day anyway. I don't regret a lot, but I do regret not taking the actual thing I love and making it my major. It's never too late, I guess.