Blog. I am doing ok. I am happy. I think I'm figuring out what I need in my life. Creativity. Friends. Activity. Adventure. Genuine experiences. These things may seem obvious, but for awhile they have been anything but. I hope I can ride this high for as long as it will let me be a passenger. It is easy to get caught between four very close walls that obstruct your view of what is out there. But take the time to build a door, even if you don't know how, and you can make your way out and into a new and exciting and satisfying world.
Yeah, I've probably had this sort of an epiphany before, and who knows how long this will last, but I can only make the most of it and acknowledge it to you Blog. Recently there has been a phrase that I've keep close at hand, especially for those times when I feel totally inept and stupid and out of my league:
"Do it because you love it"
Don't do it for any other reason. If you love it, do it. Unless you're Jeffrey Dahmer and love killing animals and young boys, then maybe hold back and figure your shit out. But if it's a healthy hobby like writing or knitting or trivia or cars or golf or anything constructive, do it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, because if it did, you wouldn't have the innate free will that drives you towards whatever it is you love to do.You wouldn't have the unbearable guilt and regret that takes over your conscious when you turn to other "more practical" activities. You wouldn't have that exhilarating ecstasy flood not only your mind, but your soul, when you make yourself available to the malicious jaws of failure and self consciousness only to come out on the other side unscathed; better, even. You are more at ease and confident in that one thing; that thing that is in your life for no other reason than the fact that you love it. And the only reason you do it, is because you love it. And the ecstasy you feel comes from experiencing that thing you love.
One thing I've learned is that if I love it, I fear it as well. This is experiences, people, and things for me. It's because love is an incredibly vulnerable feeling and vulnerability is a scary thing. But if you overcome that scary feeling and go for it, you fall even more in love. I might not have been able to go there with the people in my life, but at this point I'm determined to do it with the experiences, arts, crafts, and creativity that is out there. We are all made to love (except for Jeffery Dahmer and probably Ted Bundy too) and we should tap into that whether it be in our relationships, careers, interests, or callings. If you're lucky, it could be all of those things.
For now I'm going to do my best to surround myself with inspiring people, promising plans, and alcohol. Because in the end alcohol lets down our inhibitions enough so we can conquer that fear and everything else that goes along with it.