Trying...

Blog, I've been away and now I'm back. I had a most amazing trip to the middle of the ocean and to Boston. Naturally, you'd think I'd want to tell you all about it, but I'm not in the mood. I just wrote part one of a series I'm working on recapping my trip and I'm rather burnt out on putting my memories into words at the moment. More of that to come.

Instead I'll look inward, as I tend to do with you. I think this is because I've given up on making you a relevant blog for the masses and instead will accept you for what you really are: a means for me to sort out my thoughts with a small internet audience that comes and goes as it pleases. It keeps you quaint, doesn't it Blog?

Last night and today I realized I'm letting self pity and sadness take over my life. This is a result a constant and subconscious comparison I make between myself and everyone I know. At this point, everyone I know seems to be at a place in their lives where growth, excitement, and change are happening while I feel like I am in a rut with nowhere to go. This of course isn't true, and I keep trying to remind myself of this in an attempt to get myself out of it, but I haven't been doing a very good job.

Tonight I think I came up with one of the better ideas I've had in awhile and contacted my dear friend Will for some advice. Why him, Blog? Well, not only is he a special person to me, as I recently articulated to you, but he also has been pursuing a life in the theater since I met him nearly 10 years ago. And he's done really well for himself as far as that sort of a thing goes. He's not world famous or anything, but he knows the ropes and is really good at putting himself out there. He's had tons of experience and has been in all sorts of productions. I decided to hit him up on the Facebook chat this evening to pick his brain about getting back into theater myself. My depression has been getting to me, and I know a surefire way to bring me out of it is to find creativity in my life. I need to make something. I need to contribute. I need to take a look at myself within and bring whatever I find to a venue where it is shared and molded into something new and different and worthwhile.

What I'm trying to say is that I need to be in a play.

I chose to go to Will for help because he lives this every day. He also knows me better than most people. Most importantly, he believes in me and I don't doubt him on it for a second. One thing I realize is that I didn't set up a support system for myself when I first moved here in hopes of becoming part of the theater community. I've met tons of people and have worked on projects here and there, but I never had the support and closeness that surrounded me when I was in Bemidji. Will is left over from that and he is the perfect person to keep me accountable for pursuing this thing. He told me the exact things I needed to hear:
 

"I'm more than happy to help keep you motivated... because you are talented. It's a little absurd how often Andy and I have had the conversation about how talented we both think you are... and hoped that you would find your way back to acting again."

Sometimes an ego boost is just what you need to become motivated about the one thing you've always loved to do. An ego boost and a plan for accountability. This week my job is to seek out two monologues and begin working on them. He will be checking in next week on my progress. Not only is he supportive, he's holding me accountable. It is just what I'd hoped to get out of him.

Thank God for the internet Blog. Without it I wouldn't have you and I wouldn't have the ability to have a dude in Chicago holding me accountable for memorizing Shakespeare.