Friday, November 12, 2010

It is Time to Mourn

Blog. I'm nursing a broken heart.

My boyfriend of three years broke up with me three weeks ago, for reasons that I find completely unfit as to end a relationship where I felt so much love, support, fun, laughter, and happiness.

And now, I will attempt to negate those qualities I was so convinced were a part of my time with my boyfriend. I must not let myself remember only the good times, and must expose the negatives of my relationship for my own sake.

Love - It is not love to call your girlfriend a c-u-n-t. I know, I know, the Vagina Monologues declares to use the word proudly. The Vagina Monologues doesn't go into the insult that takes place when the word is so freely and drunkenly stated to one who has an unconditional love for the other. No cuntly actions need to take place. A mere drunken misunderstanding might happen, and the extreme is uttered. That is not love.

Support - It is not support to treat extracurricular activities as if they are extreme competition to the well being of yourself and how good you are at life. Feeling forced into attending functions that your girlfriend has put time and energy into only to complain about how awkward you felt afterward is not support. Find the positive in the experience even if it is not your favorite thing in the world. But I know you enjoy it. Or at least you did at one point in your life. Don't feel like less of a person because I enjoy it as well, and am more committed to it than you are. Put yourself second for once and support me.

Fun - It is not fun to hear about your attraction for other women who look and act nothing like me. I am fully aware of the habits of men and their desires for the opposite sex. I accept that you will never completely be fulfilled by any one person. I accept that I am not the most attractive woman in the world. But for every time you pointed out a blonde bimbo from across the room, I secretly hoped you'd save a compliment for me as well. The observations accumulated; the compliments waned.

Laughter - It is hard to laugh when your air supply has been temporarily cut off. Yes, this occurance was a product of alcohol. No, it never happened again. And yes, I think one time is too many. We'll leave it at that.

Happiness - I guess it really isn't happiness to feel like you're annoying the person you love with all your heart. It's not happiness to feel unappreciated for what you do put into the relationship, so you at least know what you are putting into the relationship. I was happy because I was with him. Because I love him. Because he was this loving, supporting, up for anything, funny guy. He was that person. He is no longer. He's not angry, mean, or depressed. He's just different. And the difference isn't a terrible one, but I don't think it's a good one either.

Anywho, I love the person my boyfriend used to be, not the one he has become. As sad as this is for me to say, it at least gives me closure on the situation. Also, I confidently display this information to you blog since I know no one reads you anyway, especially my boyfriend who is no longer my boyfriend since he never took any interest in my writing anyway.

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