Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Womp Womp

So this is unemployment, Blog. It feels terrifying. I'm constantly at the edge of an abyss of time that I have no idea how to spend. And then there's the money thing. Oddly enough, that's not as pressing as my desire to find a direction in which to take my life. Opportunities come up and then I freak out. What if I end up hating what I do like that one time I got stuck in a desk job? But what if I can't find anything else besides a desk job because that's all I know how to do? What if I never find anything and end up one of those people on Nicollet Mall who wears a falling-apart neck brace for no noticeable reason and just looks really sad? Maybe that's what the bottom of that abyss of time looks like. Oh God.

The worst part is I don't know what I want to do. I just had a lot of fun traveling around and performing for a living. I want to keep doing that, but I want to stay in Minneapolis. But if I stay in Minneapolis, I'm going to have to find some kind of daily grind. But what kind of grind do I want to do? I don't know, Blog! Decisions are hard for me. I'm too afraid I'm going to make a mistake and end up doing something I hate.

Hmmm. But if I end up doing something I hate, I could always quit and try something else.

These are basic lessons that you learn when you're in middle school and are figuring out what sport you want to play, Blog. Why am I having such a hard time with this? Apparently I never progressed past the mental capabilities of a 13 year-old.

In other news, I bought a bike today and I'm both terrified and ecstatic about riding it home. Currently I'm downtown and it's rush hour. I'm wearing a dress, have a heavy bag of books with me, and no proficiency in riding road bikes that are slightly tall for me in cities. Things should go about as well as this job search has.

At least unemployment has a nice view.


  1. Sam - you should look into something with Youth Frontiers (http://www.youthfrontiers.org/) I used to work there and I think you'd be a really good fit. Watch a couple of the videos there to understand what they do at a retreat. There would be some traveling, but not at all like what you had with the last couple gigs. (Mostly it's traveling around MN) They hire retreat staff towards the end of the school year, keep an eye on their website and facebook page for when that opens.

  2. Thanks so much for the tip Krystal! This is something I will definitely keep an eye on!